A good friend was troubled by the name of my blog. Here are some of my parts of the correspondence.
In other words I guess the reason I like my blog name is because I really do think that all this stuff I talk about seems like obnoxious psychobabble and blasphemy to those who have not found much freedom in their own lives from the struggles we all deal with. It is to those people I am trying to relate.
To people that have found some freedom, but are not sure how it came about or where it came from I would guess most of it still sounds like obnoxious psychobabble and blasphemy, and maybe the title can help them consider it with a little levity (or reduced prejudice) long enough for them to realize it could be onto something and give it a real shot.
To those who have matured more in their pursuits and had more success I hope that either they get a little chuckle from the title and move on to the content or that again if they are set in their ways that it reduces their prejudices (pre-judgments) enough for them to actually consider some of it (with me not taking myself too seriously).
Again, I appreciate your comments and concerns and will further consider it. Feel free to continue our discussion of the topic with further thoughts you might have.
My friend was still concerned ...
I think likely we are going to continue to disagree on this topic, but I will continue to consider your thoughts and I appreciate them.
To some extent it might be a George Carlin type statement that we give words too much power, especially in these areas where words are generally inadequate to convey what is really happening, and yet people will almost stake their life on a word.
However, my experience is actually quite a bit different that you might guess. I have had many family members, including my wife, and many close friends that know me well basically tell me that they were happy that I seemed to be doing well, but my explanations (or theories) for how it occurred and what was going on seemed like wild guesses or unsubstantiated (maybe) interesting theories. It has been in these conversations that I realized that a lot of what I say sounds like obnoxious psychobabble to others, and when I have mentioned that it was clear that (while most of them were too polite to come right out and say it) they were thinking, yep.
It actually has been quite the surprise to me. Here on my insides I know that things have changed drastically and I have found freedom, peace of mind, and a sense of well being to an extent I never even considered dreaming was possible for me. And I think I might even have a real gift for seeing and explaining what has occurred. (Obviously the jury is still out on this.) At the same time people are so set in their own ways and what I would call their visceral beliefs, emotional programming, and learned behaviors (someday soon hopefully I will have defined all those things on my blog) that they are not really open to considering things that might challenge their visceral beliefs, emotional programming, and learned behaviors.
In other words everyone I have gotten to know really well has already tried desperately hard to come up with a way of life that minimally satisfies them and others or (as we often say or hear said) they are doing the best they can do or come up with. This is often obscured by the fact that having tried this they have found it still insufficient and have subsequently basically given up and are just trying to survive the best they can.
From my own experience and exploration of myself (again often in meditation), and my observation of others I have gotten to know well I think that at our deepest levels we really only believe our own experience. I think this explains a lot of things like denial and why people, obviously including myself, continue down paths that are obviously going the wrong direction and giving terrible results. They (we) just do not believe that anything else is possible. It may also explain how the saying that pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth is often true. Typically (at least in the beginning) we have to be beaten down quite a bit to change at a deep level. It is also likely why it is a dilemma to really try a spiritual way of life even when our life might be such a mess.
The reason I bring up all the stuff about how at a deep level we really only believe our own experience is because I think it explains why even if the things I believe and try to articulate are accurate and very helpful most people still see it as obnoxious psychobabbble. Obnoxious psychobabbble might be a little of an exaggeration, but wild guesses or unsubstantiated (maybe) interesting theories I do not think is.
Part of my point here is that I think people get very tired of and disenfranchised by others telling them that to recover or solve a problem they must do this or to achieve whatever they must do whatever. The person that says it normally believes it was necessary for them and it would be necessary for someone else. This may or may not be true, but even if it is it may not be necessary for the other person right now or as the next step.
And if you ask 10 different people who have seemingly found good working solutions to their own problems, what you should do about your own problem, they will likely give you 10 different answers. Even if all these people were from AA or the same religion or the same school of psychology, you would likely get fairly different answers when you got down to specifics. And if you asked how or why this happened or worked the opinions would likely diverge much more. So how is anything supposed to sound like anything more than wild guesses or unsubstantiated (maybe) interesting theories.
My answer to others regarding this today is to suggest that they try whatever seems to resonate for them and see what the results are. If it works keep doing it and if needed add something else in a similar manner. If it does not work discard it for now and try the next thing that resonates and that they might be motivated enough to actually do. However, the absolutely crucial thing to try to drive home if advocating this approach is that if someone is going to pick and choose like this (which most of us do regardless of what others say or we think we do) that they do not fall for the belief that all of it does not work for them or that they are truly hopeless, if what they try does not work or work well enough from the start. Rather they need to realize that all they really found out is the limited thing they tried did not work or even more likely that what they tried by itself was not sufficient.
I guess what I am mainly saying is that while obnoxious psychobabble is definitely an exaggeration I do think something along those lines is what it commonly seems like to many others, including much of what I think my target audience may be. As I tried to explain I actually do not think that is avoidable. I certainly do not think it is obnoxious psychobabble and I think that becomes clear quickly and easily if people actually read some of it. At the same time I truly believe there are many different paths on the road to where we all hope to go or get. I happen to think mine is a wonderful and fairly direct path, but I have no desire and feel no need to try to pound it into others or take it or myself too seriously.
I do not mean it as a put down to myself or feel the need to put myself down. Certainly some people may think that. However I do not think they would think it long if they read much of it.
As always (unless I specifically tell you otherwise on a topic, which I do not foresee) feel free to continue our dialogue on this topic if you feel compelled.
Thanks and smiles,
