What does self knowledge provide? A lot if that knowledge is used or applied and misery if it is not.
I can understand why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel, as well as how to act better and what to do to feel better. Yet if I am not willing or able to take the new actions nothing productive will come from knowing the answers, and I will probably be more miserable than if I did not know the answers to begin with. I have also found that self knowledge can be a trap because my mind thinks if it understands why I feel the way I do that it can devise a way to feel better without the undesirable parts of the actions that lead to feeling better.
However, what knowledge can provide is hope that better things might be possible, and the motivation to start taking actions that will make things better. It also provides a road map or guide as to what actions to prioritize.
What do good actions in the absence of the right answers or knowledge provide? In my own case and I think with a lot of other people, craziness or at least close to it.
I was once a couple years clean and sober, attending lots of 12 step meetings, actively working steps, meditating 30-60 minutes a day, had lost about 90 pounds, was exercising regularly, had a house on a lake, the truck I always wanted, a couple quads, a couple snowmobiles, a boat, a wonderful wife, a good job, and I treated people well and people treated me well. And I was nuts, restless, irritable, and discontent. I was doing the right things and I had great people in my life.
All the good and healthy actions were making me crazy because they were fighting against or trying to overcome or suppress my emotions or feelings. Even though I tried very hard not to be, I was still at war with myself and my urges and emotions. In other words fake it until I make it did not work for me. It might work for some other people and if it works for you please run with it and enjoy the heck out of your life. I am completely serious here, if you have found what provides you with peace of mind and a sense of well being stop reading and start living and do not stop living. Some of us though, like myself, are a little sicker or more screwed up and therefore need more help and more intense and thorough methods.
Detailing the more intense methods that I have tried that have worked well to bring about the wholeness, freedom, and fulfillment that we all seek is my subject matter for this blog. Unfortunately, I do not think most people think this wholeness, freedom, and fulfillment is really possible, including therapists, those in the rooms of recovery, the religious, and most other people. So it can be lonely at times and full of worry and uncertainty until you know it is real for yourself. Even then of course there are still struggles but what I am talking about is not incremental improvement. It is a different plain of existence that is hard to describe.
Describing it and what leads to it though is my vision for this blog. Wish me luck. I will obviously need it.
Quick summary of this post - knowledge by itself or actions by themselves, even if they are accurate and good, are insufficient to bring about the peace of mind and sense of well being we seek.
